It has been over a year since my last post, and it has not been from lack of subject matter. It has been from the inability to act. Paralysis of the heart and soul eat at me every day. The event that has stolen my desire to enjoy life was not a seasonal thing, like football. There is no "maybe next year" to get me through an unsuccessful year, no flipping pages of a calendar to mark the date that I can expect to be recovered. When next year arrives, as it has three times, I do not find myself in a better place. That is because healing of the soul doesn't just happen. It requires effort that I have been unable/unwilling to invest.
The body will mend over time. Small cuts quickly scab over and heal, leaving no trace of the injury. Broken bones and surgeries take a little more external effort, but when the bones are set and the stitches are applied properly, the body works it's magic. The passage of time is all that is needed from that point forward. This method doesn't work on the soul.
The soul needs attention. Unfortunately I know this all too well. I have been living with the idea that I just need more time to get better, feel better. That false belief is along the lines of hoping that your dog gains strength and grows, without giving him food, water, and attention. My desire it to start feeding my soul once again, watering it giving it the attention it needs to stop withering. If you have suffered loss and felt that you just need some time, please let my lost time encourage you to begin nurturing your soul today. Help and encouragement from the outside-friends, professionals-may be needed as well. But without putting in the effort toward getting better that only you can, a different day, month, or year on the calendar will make no difference.